Well hi there,
So I decided to set myself a challenge to do 30 videos in 30 days.
Here’s the video talking a bit more about it!
I am really excited about doing this challenge. What I didn’t mention in the video is that there are a bunch of cover songs that I want to properly learn, and there are many songs that I have half written that I want to finish! So this challenge will really push me to work on those songs, and that will make me very happy. Believe it or believe it not, at the moment, there really is no cover song that I am really comfortable playing. It’s great to have your own music, of course, and I’m so glad I can write songs. But for example, at a party or sitting around a campfire (which in fairness, rarely happens), I really don’t have any go-to cover song that I’m comfortable with. So, this is one of the things I want, and this challenge will help me get there!
I put up this song about a week ago and I had a request for the lyrics of it, so I decided to write a blog post about it. The lyrics are below, and here’s the video!
This song was written in my father’s house in New Jersey (he’s Irish also but he lives in New Jersey now). I was upstairs in their guest room one morning, just wanting to slap myself out of this silly dazy state that I was in. The feeling of being apathetic is just the worst. I find that anger has energy to it, and depression is so bad that you…maybe you can justify being selfish and just letting yourself hole up somewhere and watch movies. But apathy just feels like a heavy weight on your shoulders and a deadening of your senses, and you just want to shake it off (no Taylor swift reference intended) but you really can’t. So I wrote this song first as a poem, and it really perfectly described how I felt. I later turned it into a song.
I guess there’s not a whole more I can say about the lyrics, because it’s all there IN the lyrics. But I will say that it was morning time, in the winter, and I was gazing outside towards the garden, and there was so much life outside in the garden, so many birds, and I just wanted to be part of it but felt very, very far from it all.
If you like this song, you can listen to or buy the mastered version of the song here:
And here are the lyrics:
Someone Like Me
For me the worst part about being apathetic
is my fastidiously keen awareness of it
because it’s not that I can’t hear the songs of the birds
or see the fancy cloud formations found upwards
but that all of that is in a format
that’s too far from me
to be able to feel.
Coffee awaits me downstairs
coffee coffee fill me with glee and caffeine
And the day outside is cold and crisp and sunny
Crisp winter air
shake me and make me care
And the birds happily and hungrily eat their suet
And I watch from a window keenly aware I’m looking through it
And the wind shakes the pine branches outside
Trees, trees, I can feel that you’re judging me
Apathetic is broken down into a and pathetic
followed swiftly by human
or at least that’s how I feel it
which is mean of inner me
as if I didn’t feel bad enough already
and as if I would not switch it off if I could
and as if inner me weren’t the one that could set me free
cos she makes it far worse, oh I curse her, I curse
oh, for crying out loud, is there not something around, hideous inner me,
that could stop your incessant glaring at me
Today I won’t go running, as I ran yesterday
and the day before,
which is a shame as I would so adore
to feel completely worn out and switched off
and too tired to feel what a waste and a disgrace of a person I am today,
and I would run run run run run, run run run run run, run run run run
away from such a pathetic human
And the nicest cardinal you ever did see
hopped and flew past, yes right past me,
trying his best and utmost to make me feel
his truth which is that life is good and sweet
but he’s in one place and I’m in another
and I tell him he must stop,
that with this girl his beauty just hurts her
and to the dove, and the cardinal, and the little chickadee,
I say,
“thanks but don’t waste your time
on someone like me”.
So I did a new video the other day, this time of ‘White Fluffy Clouds’.
This song has been kicking around for quite some time. If I’m performing, it’s normally what I open with because I guess it’s one of those songs that I’ve written that I’m almost 100% happy with, which is not normal for me.
Also, I suppose it’s quite a special song for me, firstly because the first line in the song is “I very badly need to go running, I feel pent up in my own body”. And that is a way that I very often feel, so I can pretty much always relate to this song. When I was performing it for this video actually, I felt that way. I had had too much coffee and I couldn’t freakin’ get my fingers to do what they should, and I just wanted to GO! But I knuckled down and got it done, which felt better in the end.
I wrote this song when I was living in Barcelona, Spain, where I lived for 6 years. I believe…yes, I wrote this song while in the very last place I lived in Spain (I moved around quite a lot, I think I lived in 6 or 7 different place in all.) This last place I lived was located RIGHT by the only active bull fighting ring in Barcelona! I could actually see where the bulls were kept. The inner walls for the actual ring were much higher, but from my fourth floor balcony, I could see over the lower walls to where the bulls were kept. It’s really very sad. Anyway, I remember so well the feeling of being in that room, looking out down below at the world go by, and feeling quite trapped within myself. I wrote these words in one sitting, and as the song says, I did actually go out for a run after I wrote it. It helped me. I did go on to having “lovely boring jobs”, but I did not last in them 🙂 They were not lovely for long.
Okay, I will leave you with that. For those that are interested, the lyrics are below.
Thanks for reading and watching!
If you liked this video, please make sure to ‘like’ it and also to share it. It really helps me out.
Also, you can listen to or buy the mastered recording of this song here:
~ Ciara
White Fluffy Clouds
I very badly need to go running
I feel pent up in my own body.
It’s incredible that I won’t be alive forever
and incredible that I don’t make the most of it now.
I need to put on my shoes and go running
tie my hair up so it doesn’t bother me
I need to step out under the sun
in the hope I can again become
a part of the world I live in.
I could so easily be a hermit
but that would surely be the end of it
the final leap into madness,
the nearby ledge overlooking the abyss
I would miss my friends
I would miss my family
but would soon become demented
and in that state you see
avoiding and missing them would be better than
company and revealing the insanity within
Well, if only I talked more and if only I were capable
of telling people when I need help
instead of hoping they might be able
to read my mind or at least the part of my mind
that shouldn’t be censored
so not that much of it really…
This is an open letter
to anyone that has two eyes:
I’m not doing so good
I’m not doing so good
It’s a beautiful day and people below move about their day
As per often I feel removed from them all
I think I need a normal job
so I too can feel normal and join the ranks of
everyone that complains about their lovely boring job.
But just for now putting on my shoes
and going running
might be all that I need
for a vital dose of sweet reality
I’ll run by the beach and try to
shut off my mind
I’ll run by the beach and try to
match my speed to
that of the world around
though I don’t quite know how
and then I’ll look for a lovely, lovely, lovely boring job.
So I’m definitely not a hair guru of any styling. But I did come upon one technique that I just think gives the best curls ever. It’s so easy, and I wanted to share the technique. So I made a video on it and here it is!
I think this technique is called Bantu knots but I’m not sure. It’s really the easiest thing you can do, though yes, it’s a little time consuming, but really not very much. If you have fine hair, I think you’ll especially like this technique because it really gives such volume. My hair is fine, but I have a lot of it, and it holds a curl very well, so for me, this hair lasts about 3 days. Bit of dry shampoo each morning, and voila, that’s all I need to do with it. Granted, it is very big hair, so I’m not always in the mood for it. It’s hard to get over just how much hair I have when I do this style. Need to get used to it. Maybe I’ll wear it every day for a month and really get used to it 🙂
Anyway, let me know if you try it!
Hi!
So I recently committed to doing frequent youtube videos, mostly of ukulele original songs , but some cover songs as well, and it’s been going well. I did a few late last year, which I was really pleased about. I worked hard on them and they took a long time to do, and I really was so pleased with them.
So then I wanted to do more but as with all things music for me, I got overwhelmed! So I decided to get back into it, but to set lower expectations for myself. I really REALLY like creating videos and recording music, but sometimes I get these ideas and I so badly want them done RIGHT now that I… well, I get overwhelmed, and become completely inept!
But so I decided a few weeks ago to get back into it. Doing youtube videos really helps me because it’s a very easy outlet for my music and for me. It’s really so fun, I get such a kick out of it.
Here’s the video more or less explaining what I want to do with my youtube channel:
music and musings 